Wednesday, December 8, 2010

No Voice

I must be invisible. When I need someone the most there is no one there. Thank god I have music. But I'm part of this family same as eveyone else but I have no input and no voice. What the hell is that? I can't wait to be done with high school. This is my senior year so I'm focusing on colleges. I've applied but the school I want to go to my father doesn't approve. He continues to harrass me about applying to Brown and Cornell. Does he not understand that it is my future and my career path? He refused to give me a check for an application fee for CUNY:John Jay. So now, I can't even apply. He controls my life. I hardly ever go out with my friends. Maybe once every 2 weeks? Ha, what a nice life. It's not even like I'm a bad student. I'm a straight A student. I don't do drugs, drink or party. I am focused on my education. Just because I made a mistake a year or 2 ago he continue to hold that against me. If you were to compare me to my other siblings, I would be an angel. I will be 18 in 2 weeks and I know nothing will change. I will be treated like I'm 6 with no voice in my own life. If my father could see he would most likely dictate the clothes I wear. Most teens my don't understand what it's like to not be finacially stable along with the responsiblity of 2 grown ups on your shoulders while still being in high school. I try to have a social life but I'm lucky if my father let's me go out. I guess, being raised the way I have, I don't like or understand why teens my age go out and do the stupid things they do. I don't understand why the boast and put the pictures up on facebook. I think they look stupid. I have a good head of my shoulders but I have no freedom or voice in my house. So, what good is that?

Friday, December 3, 2010


Hello there. I have never written a blog before so this will be my attempt. Of the people who read my blog, you will all have different views on my life, how I live it and what goes on in it. For the most part, I believe most of you will feel sorry for me but please don't. I just want to inform people about my trails in life. Maybe find help? I am not entirely sure. What I am sure about is that I am THE scapegoat. Blamed on by everyone and the answer to everyones problems. My life is no where near perfect. An accident from the beginning stuck living the life of my parents for my parents. If being the child of one disabled parent isn't enough, but don't get me wrong, I am not insulting disabled and handicapped people. I was born from two. My mother is deaf and slowly losing her vision while my father is blind. I am the youngest of two but that doesn't stop my older siblings from dumping the responsibilty on me, as if I don't have enough on my plate. Ha, yes, it gets worse, or as I say, it gets better. I am a senior in high school trying to better my future and maintain my high GPA so I can go to college and be successful in life. But I ask you, can I leave my parents? Should I leave them? Would I be a bad child for neglecting them? Who would help them? Sometimes I think I'm the only one who cares. Not my brother nor my sister. You can forget about my aunts. Many of us know people who refuse to be wrong and will die before admitting it. Well, that is my father. As blind as he is, he swears that he knows where things are or where he put them. When things go missing the first person to be blamed is me, whether it be food or a casette tape. While my older brother, who is infact 26 years old, lives at home for FREE with no job. When I think about it I don't understand why anyone should be blamed because it is just misplaced. We can, I mean I can always look for it. Let me let you in on a little bit more about my family before I am done for now. My father is a 57 year old blind man with many health problem. He is obese and takes over 20 pills a day. My mother is 50 years old and deaf. She is mainly crazy. She favors my brother over any of us. Hence why he still lives at home. I have told you about my brother. He's a real dumb ass that never get off the PS3. What a life. My sister on the other hand isn't so bad. She left at 16 and is now 27 with a wanna-be rapper baby daddy and a 2 year old son. I am the one stuck living a life I don't want to live.